I
considered myself to be a yes in so many ways:
attractive—yes, successful—yes, talented—yes. But in the category of romantic
relationships, I was a no.
Not
that it mattered most of my after high school life. In college, I made up my mind not to get
involved in any serious dating, as I wanted to focus on my education. I did some dating then, but nothing too
serious. And nothing that would detract
me from college.
And
then after college, it was my career. As
a career woman, I wanted to make sure that I had a fulfilling and successful
career, one that would allow me independence and the lifestyle that I
wanted. When I entered into a
relationship, I wanted to be able to bring something to the table and be able
to grow with my mate together in a relationship.
Then
life happens, one thing after another. I was never ready and “worthy” for a
satisfying relationship. I needed to do
this and then do that. And when problems
came up, some of them major life issues, I wanted those to be resolved and to
have my house in order, so to speak. I
wanted to be perfect and ready for that special relationship, one that would
lead into marriage.
So
it didn’t matter then that I hadn’t found that someone. But at thirty something, it matters now. Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who
talked about the “princess” syndrome that some woman have when dating. Some women overcompensate for their low
self-worth, thinking that if they demanded the princess treatment and respect
from men, this would somehow fill that void of self-worth within them. So they demand that special attention,
without reciprocating the treatment and respect to the men they date. As you can see, this creates a problem.
This
discussion on women and self-worth lead me to really think about why in the
area of romantic relationships, I hadn’t attracted my ideal mate, my
husband. I really gave it some thought
and came to the realization of what my issue was: I never felt that I was worthy.
There
was always something that I felt was a priority, something I had to accomplish
before I could settle into a fulfilling love relationship. I now know that I had unintentionally been
giving off single vibes, vibes that would attract a life of singlehood if I
continued on that path. That would be
fine, if it was the life that I wanted.
But I never wanted to be single all my life. I saw myself as married to an amazing guy. Luckily, I came to that realization in good
timing, and I’m so grateful that I did.
Gratitude,
as with other areas of my life, can shift both my conscious and unconscious
feelings of unworthiness. If I allow her
to. Like any other relationship, it’s a
give-receive exchange. I give my love
and praise to Gratitude, and in return Gratitude gives love and unimaginable
gifts back. In this case, I’m using
Gratitude to restore the feelings of worthiness in me. Because in order to attract a loving
relationship, I must first start with that relationship within. I must first love myself for others to see
that jewel within me, and an expression of that self-love can manifest into a
romantic relationship.
Some
of the things that I’ve been doing to transform my feelings of unworthiness is
to use affirmations. I say affirmations
to myself, such as, “I am worthy,” “I am grateful that I am worthy,” or “I love
myself so much.” I muster as much
Gratitude into those affirmations as I can, feeling the Gratitude deeply.
In
the book, The Magic by Rhonda Byrne, one of the exercises for a day is called
“The Magic Mirror.” In that exercise,
you state while in front of the mirror, “Thank you,” with as much Gratitude as
possible. She uses the analogy of
Michael Jackson’s song The Man in the
Mirror to show, that if we send a bit of Gratitude energy to ourselves, it
would transform our lives. Our outer
world is a reflection of our inner world.
So as we work to improve the world inside us, we begin to attract
outside experiences that reflect our improved state within. It’s all about loving ourselves and feeling
the Gratitude for being who we are.
It’s
all a learning experience and a journey, improving the self-love and
self-worth. As I continue working on being
Grateful for me, who I am, and the contributions that I make to the world, I’ll
begin attracting improved circumstances in all areas of my life—including the
one area that’s been alluding me for years—romantic love.
What
do you think? Do you have any
experiences that as you begin feeling better about yourself, that you began
having improved love relationships? Have
you had the experience of realizing that some of your self-talk thoughts
haven’t been loving thoughts about yourself?
It’s quite an eye opening experience in realizing the feeling of
unworthiness impeding on attracting a loving relationship. But it’s very empowering to know that once
you recognize this within yourself, that Gratitude can change it.
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